Questions

So, there was this book we were supposed to read, called Why College Matters to God. I didn't read it; it was stupid. But I won't get into that. I did read a few parts of it, and one allegory stuck with me: pencil not pen. The author was talking about college as a time where basic beliefs can be changed, and how often we come in with some beliefs that we know are for sure. He compares this too a crossword puzzle, and the things that we are sure of are the things we write down in pen. For example: God is good, Sin is bad, Man can never get sick of Pizza, Purgatory is stupid, Jesus saved us all through his death on the cross. Where as the things that we are not 100% sure of we write down in pencil, like (for me): Once saved always saved, Polish girls are prettier, Fast food is cheap, etc. Then, if you are proved wrong and find out that, in fact, American girls can also be quite attractive, you can just erase your previous answer and type in the correct one.

But what happens when something in pen is wrong, or at least thrown into question? What happens when I realize that I CAN GET SICK OF PIZZA?! ( I ask for a moment of silence as the reality of being sick of pizza sinks in... ... ... ...). This is something that shakes you to your core, because it is not something that is easily erased or overwritten.

This is a little bit of what I am facing now, especially with the question of purgatory and how salvation and redemption work. This has mostly been brought up in my Problem of Evil class, where we have gotten into philosophy and questions such as, "How is man to go from a corruptible being to an incoroptale being in Heaven, if only God is incoroptuble?" Or "What does Peter mean when he says partaking of the divine nature?" Or "How is one filled with the Spirit?" "What happens after you die, but before you go to Heaven or Hell? Does something happen, or is it instanious?" These are really hard questions. And they have shaken me to my core. What if I have been looking at the process of salvation wrong? What if my goal in life is to be remade into the son of God, born again as man was supposed to be before corruption through Baptism, and I am now supposed to draw nearer to God so as to be literally filled with the Holy Spirit? And what if there were people who were so filled with the Holy Spirit that their bones or clothes healed people? What if, what if...

The point is, I am asking questions that are shaking me to my core, and that terrifies me. I don't want this to be anymore cmplicated. I'm okay with it being hard, but I don't want it to be this complicated. And at the same time, this is great. It feels right to sometimes not know, and just have to act in faith and move forward and try to ask questions and understand, all while striving to be closer to God in any way possible. And I am striving, but that's a post for another day...

If you are worried that I am going to go down some weird path and join some sect, no worries! I won't! But, I would love it if you would pray for me as I try to figure these things out. It can be quite overwhelming at times.

Well, that's all for now folks!

Jacob D. Hash