What's the point of a girlfriend?

What is the point of dating? What is the point of relationships? I've been asking myself this a lot recently. Because, honestly, I want a girlfriend. Or, at least, I think I do. I definitely want a relationship like the one I have been imagining. But, is it really dating? ... I don't know. Here, let me explain.
I think the thing I have always longed for is someone that I can care for; someone that trusts me completely, that comes to me when she has issues, that lets me care for her... Does that sound good? Someone to hug and comfort, and enjoy... Sounds great, right?
But, is something missing? Read it back, think about it. I'll wait. ... ... ... Do you see it? All it is is me pouring in to her, me giving to her, but no return. She is not giving anything to me, and I am not asking for anything. I am not expecting her to give much in this relationship. And that's wrong. There is no way that that can be right. Even if she is great, and funny, and likes to travel and likes board games, if she doesn't give back to me, than I really don't think the relationship will go to far.
So, my question is - where did I get this picture? Where did this idea come from? Well, I think it comes from the picture of masculinity that society portrays - it is the man's job to do everything to care for his girl, who in return lets him take care of her and has sex with him. And the problem is that a lot of guys are fine with this, for a while. But eventually they get tired of it, or their girl does, and sooner or later someone breaks it off. I really think this is a big part of the reason that there is so much divorce. Guys are never taught they need to take from their wives just as they need to give. They do not have to deal with everything themselves; in fact, they shouldn't. That is why they married their beloved girl - they are agreeing to work through things together, and to take care of each other.
I think that to know if a girl you would consider dating will give back to you you have to be friends first.
So, in my case at least, this is plan. I am going to talk to the girl that put my mind on this to begin with, and ask if it's okay for us to just be friends for now, until we can really be friends first. I'll let you know how it goes.

The Arrogance of a TCK

This is my research paper for my English Composition I class. I am sure that there are some grammatical mistakes and whatnot, but the point is still what is valid. I hope you all found it interesting!

The Arrogance of a TCK: An Exploration of Arrogance Among Third Culture Kids

David C. Pollock, a man who has worked with Missionary Kids for years, co-wrote a book called “The Third Culture Kid Experience.” It begins with a great explanation of the term ‘Third Culture Kid:’

“A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents' culture. The TCK builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the TCK's life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background. (Pollock p. 5)"

This explains my life perfectly; I was born and raised in various parts of Poland, in Central Europe. I loved my upbringing, but I know that there are some drawbacks. In the online magazine Denizen Katharine Alexander (a TCK from Taiwan) used the term ‘Hidden Immigrants.’ This is so accurate, because while TCKs may seem completely normal at first, one can quickly notice that they are aliens. For instance, they cannot distinguish between a dime and a nickel, or they have a very hard time going to big grocery stores like Wal-Mart or Target. When I was visiting some family friends who were working with TCKs who had moved back to their passport country, we started to discuss issues that I might have when I move to the USA for college. One of the main things that came up was how judgmental of their passport country and its inhabitants TCKs are. That really struck a cord with me; this was something that was common in my life. And I wanted to know why this is such a common thing. I wanted to know about the impact of judgment on TCKs.

My first step was to look for books. However, they were not very helpful in my search of reasons for the judgment of TCKs. I started looking online, in library resources and so on, but I was not sure what exactly to look for. Then a link on Facebook from an Adult Missionary Kid to a Wordpress article titled ‘Exploring TCK Bigotry’ caught my attention. From there I found a lot of other interesting articles written by TCKs. As I started reading these articles and blog posts, I found a very different connection than I had first anticipated.

The first surprise came when I realized that what I was experiencing was not as much judgment, but much more so arrogance. It was not that I declared these other people, these ‘monoculturals’[1], to be bad people, but more so to declare myself better than them. But this does not answer the question of why TCKs are arrogant in and of itself. There is something more required. Something has to be connected to the arrogance, and it must be something that all TCKs experience. But what, of all the commonalities, is the deciding factor that causes arrogance?

This was the second surprise; the arrogance comes from alienation. This alienation is a hard thing for people who have not experienced it to understand, but I will try to explain. Having grown up in one country, learning its culture and ways, speaking its language, etc., and then relating to your parents (and possibly friends) in a different culture is quite confusing. Add to that the relatively frequent visits back to ones ‘home’ (passport) country and culture, and what you end up with is a person who does not really know where they fit in. Because they know the culture they live in, and the culture of their heritage, but they don’t really fully belong in either of them. This is extremely hard for a child/teenager to go through. How many times have we heard others (in movies, books and in real life) speak of their longing to fit in? One of the hardest questions for a TCK is “Where are you from? Where is home?” The simple fact is, they don’t know. Pollock puts this well,

“For some TCKs, however, ‘Where is home?’ is the hardest question of all. Home connotes an emotional place – somewhere you truly belong. There simply is no real answer to that question for many TCKs. They may have moved so many times, lived in so many different residences, and attended so many different schools they never had time to become attached to any. (Pollock p. 124)”

But how does this tie in to arrogance? Well, I was not sure myself. However I found an article online written by Marilyn Gardner that explained it quiet well:

“As a third culture kid I put on arrogance as a protection. It was hard to fit nowhere and always be on the outside of every group. I didn’t know the rules of the culture I was supposed to belong to and I didn’t have the group knowledge that my peers took for granted. I didn’t like feeling like I was second best; an oddity; that girl with the funny accent. (The Arrogance of a Third Culture Kid – Part Two)”

We do not fit in, and we feel that very acutely. This is painful and scary, and the only way we know how to react is to look at those around us and see them as inferior.

This arrogance is not always very obvious. TCKs are actually incredibly gifted: they are usually very good at socializing, they often speak two languages fluently, and they have a more global worldview. This holds a lot of potential for growth with the ‘monoculturals,’ because the TCKs have a unique possibility to share with others their well-expanded worldview. But this arrogance that they have halts that possibility. It blocks any chance of these good things we know and want to share from getting through. When we can’t get over ourselves others will not really be willing to listen to us, no matter how good our content is. Not to mention the fact that when we are arrogant we assume that we are better than not only our mono-cultural peers, but also better than their culture in itself. This thus causes us not to be open to the new cultural ideas of our home culture. The fact is every culture has something to offer, and cultural arrogance blocks us from receiving what the culture that we are arrogant against is giving.

But one of the biggest problems that face TCKs is loneliness. They feel that they are the only ones in the world that feel this way, and because of their arrogance they forbid themselves from having real and meaningful relationships with monoculturals. As Wenda Sheard, a teacher to many TCKs, puts it in her article Lessons From Our Kissing Cousins: Third Culture Kids and Gifted Children, "Many TCKs experience disappointment when they return home and discover that their heightened global knowledge has distanced them from one-country children. (Sheard p. 3)” They are unwilling to relinquish this arrogance because, if they do, then they admit that they are not the greatest, that these people who know so little of the world are just as good as them. The question that then emerges is, ‘if they with their one culture are just as good as me with my many, then what am I worth?’

This may seem like a reality from the TCKs perspective, but it is not the case at all. When the TCK will relinquish their armor of superiority they may feel insecure, but in reality they will be able to build much more meaningful relationships.

---

[1] This a a term used to refer to people who have grown up in only one culture.

There you go. Hope it helps.

Oh! Here are some books/articles to check out:

1.              Alexander, Katharine. “Clark Kent and Third Culture Superpower.” denizenmag.com. denizenmag.com, n.d. Web. 21 Nov. 2013

2.              Gardner, Marilyn. “Exploring TCK Bigotry.” CommunicatingAcrossBoundariesBlog. Wordpress, n.d. Web. 16 Nov. 2013

3.              Gardner, Marilyn. “The Arrogance of the Third Culture Kid – Part Two.” CommunicatingAcrossBoundariesBlog. Wordpress, n.d. Web. 16 Nov. 2013

4.              Pollock, David C., and Ruth E. Van Reken. “Third Culture Kid Experience: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds.” Yarmouth: Intercultural Press, 2001. Print.

5.              Sheard, Wenda. “Lessons From Our Kissing Cousins: Third Culture Kids and gifted Children” Roeper Review, 30 (2008): 31-38. PDF

That one that put me in my place.

For I project in my digital editing class we had to make a music video. And I was super excited - I had done music videos! I could nail this thing! I could show these guys that I could edit with the best of 'em! YES! I had a great plan, and I was ready to do well. And I think I did an okay job. I know that when people look at their own work they are not always satisfied. I'll admit I wish it was better, but it is good.

But I have also seen some of the other people's videos. They're all good, but some are just fantastic! The shots are so beautiful, the lighting is gorgeous, the music track is brilliant... And then I look at mine. And I realize that theirs is better than mine. So I try to make mine better. I think it worked a little bit, but then I saw theirs again, and I was like... wow! That is incredible!

And once again I realize, I am not the best at this. I have a lot to learn and a lot to grow up to. I am NOT there yet, and there are others who are much farther down the road than I am. And it hurts. A lot. I like being first, I like being the best, or at least top tier. But when I see people whom I have helped here and there surpass me, I go crazy. Its so hard to know that I am not the best.

I was told that I am really good at these things. I was told I would do well in college. I was under the understanding that I am better than most of my peers. WRONG! And that stinks!

And it's a good reminder - the world is not about me, and I still need to learn a lot. There are others out there who blow me out of the park. There are things that are more important than me. To quote Quai-Gon Jin, "There's always a bigger fish!" And I need to remember that!

Questions

So, there was this book we were supposed to read, called Why College Matters to God. I didn't read it; it was stupid. But I won't get into that. I did read a few parts of it, and one allegory stuck with me: pencil not pen. The author was talking about college as a time where basic beliefs can be changed, and how often we come in with some beliefs that we know are for sure. He compares this too a crossword puzzle, and the things that we are sure of are the things we write down in pen. For example: God is good, Sin is bad, Man can never get sick of Pizza, Purgatory is stupid, Jesus saved us all through his death on the cross. Where as the things that we are not 100% sure of we write down in pencil, like (for me): Once saved always saved, Polish girls are prettier, Fast food is cheap, etc. Then, if you are proved wrong and find out that, in fact, American girls can also be quite attractive, you can just erase your previous answer and type in the correct one.

But what happens when something in pen is wrong, or at least thrown into question? What happens when I realize that I CAN GET SICK OF PIZZA?! ( I ask for a moment of silence as the reality of being sick of pizza sinks in... ... ... ...). This is something that shakes you to your core, because it is not something that is easily erased or overwritten.

This is a little bit of what I am facing now, especially with the question of purgatory and how salvation and redemption work. This has mostly been brought up in my Problem of Evil class, where we have gotten into philosophy and questions such as, "How is man to go from a corruptible being to an incoroptale being in Heaven, if only God is incoroptuble?" Or "What does Peter mean when he says partaking of the divine nature?" Or "How is one filled with the Spirit?" "What happens after you die, but before you go to Heaven or Hell? Does something happen, or is it instanious?" These are really hard questions. And they have shaken me to my core. What if I have been looking at the process of salvation wrong? What if my goal in life is to be remade into the son of God, born again as man was supposed to be before corruption through Baptism, and I am now supposed to draw nearer to God so as to be literally filled with the Holy Spirit? And what if there were people who were so filled with the Holy Spirit that their bones or clothes healed people? What if, what if...

The point is, I am asking questions that are shaking me to my core, and that terrifies me. I don't want this to be anymore cmplicated. I'm okay with it being hard, but I don't want it to be this complicated. And at the same time, this is great. It feels right to sometimes not know, and just have to act in faith and move forward and try to ask questions and understand, all while striving to be closer to God in any way possible. And I am striving, but that's a post for another day...

If you are worried that I am going to go down some weird path and join some sect, no worries! I won't! But, I would love it if you would pray for me as I try to figure these things out. It can be quite overwhelming at times.

Well, that's all for now folks!

Jacob D. Hash

Fill you in on my life, part 1: General Life

So, I am now a college student. *YAY* It's great! I get to go to bed whenever I want, eat whatever I want (kind of), and really do whatever I want. It's great, but it is hard.
Now, back home I had a lot of freedom, and I did have a lot of responsibilities. But here there is just so much going on, so many fun things to do, that I've really had to learn to say no. I love how many things there are, but I have to say yes to some and no to others. So, here are some of the things I have said yes to:
1. Sned's Bible Study - Sned is my Cinema professor, and he is awesome. I have one class with him right now, but I will have at least one (usually more) class with him every single semester. And he does a bible study for cinema students every monday night at his house. His wife Marcia makes an incredible meal. Then we have a time of worship and then we talk about a specific subject. It is a great time, and I love the community more than anything else there (the food is stinking great too though!). I love bieng able to get to know the upperclassmen of the cinema program. I feel like I know these Juniors and Seniors more than I know the Freshman cinema major. I'm okay with this. I get to learn a lot. Which brings me to thing number 2.
2. Senior Cinema Projects - When you are a senior Cinema Major, you have to do a final project. Usually that means directing a movie, from Pre-Production (scouting locations, booking equipment, writing a script, getting actors) through Production (filming) to Post-Production (Editing and SFX, etc). To do this, they need a crew. And they don't have any money to pay their crew. So, naturally, they take volunteers. Like me, and other freshmen. So, I got to work on two senior projects this semester. Now, this is not a constant thing. The two of them overlapped a bit, and they lasted about a month, maybe a month and a half, mostly on weekends. So, I had some weekend nights that went until 3am. It was awesome. I got to learn a lot, and I finally got to be on a set. It was as much fun as I thought. It was great!
3. J. Alvin - This is my dorm. And it is crazy. I live in an all guys dorm, and it is currently under construction. Well, half of it is. Actually, we just moved in to the new half of the building, and it is great. I live on the first of three floors, and I love it. My roommate is really cool, and his parents just moved to Honduras about a month ago to be missionaries there. Super cool! We are both really relaxed, and so we don't argue much and get along well. Not to mention that his favorite band is Relient K, which is my favorite band too! And, fun story, his mom was in my dad's youth group in Germany. She recognized my dad at a school event I was at last year, and so Luke (my roommate) and I met. Then we asked to be roommates, and bata-bing, bata-boom, we're roommates now. He is a Mechanical Engineering Major, but I like him anyways.
4. Classes - Of course, this is a big deal too. I am taking 15 hours this semester: New Testament Survey, The Problem Of Evil, Foundations of Digital Editing, English Composition I, Western Civilization I and Martial Arts. I really like my classes, especially New Testament, Problem of Evil and Digital Editing. My grades are good, and I am keeping up with most of the homework. But, uh... prayer is always appreciated, especially with finals right around the corner.
5. Ultimate Frisbee. It's awesome. 6 hours a week very well spent. I'll post something dedicated only to that, because it deserves it.
6. Workstudy - I work 8 hours a week as part of the janitorial team. I have been working in J. Alvin, my dorm, but I am being moved to the Arena where all of our basketball games are played. I'm excited, because there will not always be as much to clean. I earn minimum wage, but my supervisors are very understanding because this job is provided by the school. It's not bad at all.

Well, that is all that comes to mind for now. I'll let you know when something else comes up!
Jacob D. Hash

This time will be different

I have tried to write blogs multiple times. And failed. Every time.
But this time will be different. I am determined to do this. There are a lot of new things going on in my life, and I have discovered I actually like writing. So, everything points to this. Or wordpress, but that is too complicated. So here I am.
The point of this blog will be to tell you about the transitions in my life, the differences between Europe and the US, the struggles of college and my life in general. So, here we go:
About three months ago I moved to this country (I like saying that - it sounds so exotic). I moved to John Brown U in Northwestern Arkansas. Already I find myself calling this place home. And I don't know how I feel about that. But that will be another post, once I really get home sick. In any case, this is a great place.

My roommate Luke is great! His favorite band is Relient K, which is a big deal to me. He plays all kinds of instruments, and is with the school band. He is a super cool guy, and his parents just moved to Honduras to be missionaries there! How cool is that?! My suit mates are cool too. For my birthday they chipped together and bought me a DSlite so that we could all play pokemon white together. It was awesome! One of the is on the Frisbee team with me. Oh yes, the Ultimate Frisbee team :) After just a few weeks I joined JBU Ironfist, the Ultimate Frisbee Club. It is six hours a week, from 4 - 6 Tuesday through Thursday. A lot of time, but I have not regretted a single moment of it. This team is made up of some of the best people on campus. They are my brothers and I respect them incredibly. I'll have to tell you more about that later. But, just to show you how great they are, here is a picture after our first tournament (where we lost every single game!):

(JBU Ironfist - guys, and Savage Skies - girls. A great weekend!)

Ok, last thing before I go to bed (which I should have a long time ago!). The MKs here. They rock. Some of them are weird, yes, and we are all in different places in our lives. But they are awesome! I think and hope that I will have the privilege of calling them my friends for a very long time. They are that... well, cool may not be the right word to describe them. Actually, we are a really odd bunch (with me most definitely included in the oddities department). We are not the cool kids, and I'm not even sure why I like them so much. They are really funny, and they like to have fun, and I think we really just know how to co-exist. That's not always the case with others. I don't know what to expect from most of the people here, but these guys... I feel safe around them, as weird as they (we) are. I'll slowly introduce them, but for know just know that I am well cared for by people here.

(This is not all of them, but many of the ones I spend more time with are here)

Oh, and don't think that I have not had any spiritual reflections. I have. It's been difficult, but good. But I don't want to just write a short note about it that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. So, for now, I'll just wait. But it will come, very soon.

Kay, well, I am tired now, so I'm gonna go to bed. I have work in 6 hours. Ouch.
See you all some other time!

Jacob D. Hash